Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Alaskan Barbie Collection -- Part Six

The Gulf and Southeast


Seward Barbie:

This Barbie is the most attractive of all the Barbies, but has physical evidence of an STD that she keeps covered with a bandaid. Seward Barbie comes with a special edition Brown & Hawkins steamer truck filled with tailor-fitted Healy Hanson, Patagonia, Levis, Dickies, Theroy, Carthartts, Stormy Seas, and serious gold nuggeted bling jewelry. Gift basket of Sweet Darlings candy and an autographed minature copy of Midnight Blue Noon included. Grade horse named Clipper complete with custom sleigh, saddle, saddle pad, and bridle available.

A large variety of Kens are sold seperately, including Tour Boat Capt. Ken, Commerical Fisherman Ken, Sports Fisherman Ken, Tourist Ken, Charter Boat Capt. Ken, Deckhand Ken, Cruise Ship Capt. Ken, Coast Guard Ken, Alaska SeaLife Center Ken, Musher Ken, Marathon Runner Ken, Sailor Ken, Biker Ken, Hunter Ken, Summer Construction Worker Ken, Political Ken, and Cannery Ken through the summer season. Tonys Ken, Longshoreman Ken, AVTEC student Ken, and Thorns Ken available during the winter season. Alaska Ferry Ken was recently discontinued.

Available only as a pull tab special grand prize at the Pit Bar.


Ketchikan Barbie:

K-town Barbie lives in an old leaky sailboat that is moored down in Thomas Basin -- in a slip that is conveniently located just off the ramp directly below the Potlatch Bar. For basic transport, she runs a beat up old 18' skiff that has a rundown Johnson 30 hp outboard that leaks oil. She can out fish most any old Norwegian bachelor fisherman; can cut down old growth cedars faster than most any drunken old Swede logger; and can shoot and skin blacktail deer that foolishly wander down to beach at sunset faster than any alcohol fueled Finn bushwhacker.

Her Ken can be found anytime, day or night, on the deck of the Alaskan Bar pontificating -- often with wild, exaggerated arm waiving and finger pointing -- as to exactly where the Bridge to Nowhere is going to land over on Pennock Island.

Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July and August.


Sitka Barbie:

Sitka Barbie has most of the same endearments as K-town Barbie except she recently shot her Ken in what is colloquially known as a Sitka divorce. She took the life insurance money and purchased a brand new 26' Hewescraft "Alaskan" with enclosed heated cabin and a 200 hp Honda outboard.

Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July and August.


Juneau Barbie:

This Barbie comes with membership cards for the Alaska Democratic Party, AFSME/AFL-CIO and Alaska Conservation Voters, little red X-tra Tuff boots and an un-used fishing outfit. She lives in tiny apartment above an obscure bar and works as a secretary in the State Office Building. Drives rusty Subaru Forester, but has peeled the "Forester" lettering off because she feels that logging is evil.

Ken claims to be a fisherman, but actually he is also a secretary in the State Office Building.

Available in gift shop at the Baranof.


(*~*  found various places on the internet *~*)

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