Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Alaskan Barbie Collection -- Part Six

The Gulf and Southeast


Seward Barbie:

This Barbie is the most attractive of all the Barbies, but has physical evidence of an STD that she keeps covered with a bandaid. Seward Barbie comes with a special edition Brown & Hawkins steamer truck filled with tailor-fitted Healy Hanson, Patagonia, Levis, Dickies, Theroy, Carthartts, Stormy Seas, and serious gold nuggeted bling jewelry. Gift basket of Sweet Darlings candy and an autographed minature copy of Midnight Blue Noon included. Grade horse named Clipper complete with custom sleigh, saddle, saddle pad, and bridle available.

A large variety of Kens are sold seperately, including Tour Boat Capt. Ken, Commerical Fisherman Ken, Sports Fisherman Ken, Tourist Ken, Charter Boat Capt. Ken, Deckhand Ken, Cruise Ship Capt. Ken, Coast Guard Ken, Alaska SeaLife Center Ken, Musher Ken, Marathon Runner Ken, Sailor Ken, Biker Ken, Hunter Ken, Summer Construction Worker Ken, Political Ken, and Cannery Ken through the summer season. Tonys Ken, Longshoreman Ken, AVTEC student Ken, and Thorns Ken available during the winter season. Alaska Ferry Ken was recently discontinued.

Available only as a pull tab special grand prize at the Pit Bar.


Ketchikan Barbie:

K-town Barbie lives in an old leaky sailboat that is moored down in Thomas Basin -- in a slip that is conveniently located just off the ramp directly below the Potlatch Bar. For basic transport, she runs a beat up old 18' skiff that has a rundown Johnson 30 hp outboard that leaks oil. She can out fish most any old Norwegian bachelor fisherman; can cut down old growth cedars faster than most any drunken old Swede logger; and can shoot and skin blacktail deer that foolishly wander down to beach at sunset faster than any alcohol fueled Finn bushwhacker.

Her Ken can be found anytime, day or night, on the deck of the Alaskan Bar pontificating -- often with wild, exaggerated arm waiving and finger pointing -- as to exactly where the Bridge to Nowhere is going to land over on Pennock Island.

Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July and August.


Sitka Barbie:

Sitka Barbie has most of the same endearments as K-town Barbie except she recently shot her Ken in what is colloquially known as a Sitka divorce. She took the life insurance money and purchased a brand new 26' Hewescraft "Alaskan" with enclosed heated cabin and a 200 hp Honda outboard.

Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July and August.


Juneau Barbie:

This Barbie comes with membership cards for the Alaska Democratic Party, AFSME/AFL-CIO and Alaska Conservation Voters, little red X-tra Tuff boots and an un-used fishing outfit. She lives in tiny apartment above an obscure bar and works as a secretary in the State Office Building. Drives rusty Subaru Forester, but has peeled the "Forester" lettering off because she feels that logging is evil.

Ken claims to be a fisherman, but actually he is also a secretary in the State Office Building.

Available in gift shop at the Baranof.


(*~*  found various places on the internet *~*)

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Alaskan Barbie Collection -- Part Five

The Bush



Barrow Barbie:

This Barbie comes with blonde hair with dark roots, kuspuk and parka. Accessories include a 650cc Skidoo snowmachine, dried salmon slices, an authentic-looking ulu and baleen carving kit.

Ken alternates between being a whaling captain and working for the North Slope Borough.

Available at the northern-most KFC store.


Bethel Barbie:

This Barbie has a teensy little substance abuse problem, but she has admitted that she has a problem and is working on it. Comes with just two outfits, both from Value Village in Anchorage, with matching plastic shopping bag suitcases. She likes to shop, but since this entails buying a ticket to Anchorage, it's not much of an option any more. Comes with a house consisting of a cardboard refrigerator box and 2 sleeping bags.

Ken lives in the box next door.

Available on special order from Costco in Anchorage.


Ft. Yukon Barbie:

This Barbie comes with a Honda Big Red, a 24 foot boat with ancient outboard that would better be kept in the Evinrude Museum, hip boots, little marten trapper hat and snogo suit. She lives in a nice little log house and goes to all the basketball games. A lot of her groceries are flown in too, but she is outfitted with a selection of knives and knows how to cut fish, skin a lynx AND pack moose.

Ken is not in town much. He claims to be on the trapline or at fish camp, but someone saw him in Fairbanks.

Available at AC Company.


Dutch Harbor Barbie:

This Barbie comes with a yellow slicker and rubber pants, as well as really cool looking rubber boots. Her face is permanently arranged in a screaming expression, to reflect the effect of high seas and ferocious wind in the general area. She carries a commercial fishing license and has an assortment of hair accessories to keep her hair out of the nets and crabbing lines. However, she rarely works on the crabbing boats as she fears someone might mistake her for a crab herself, so she recently managed to score a job on a fish tender, moonlighting at night on shore as a bartender where she earns the really big bucks. Pet walrus or seal available separately.

Sometime boyfriend Ken also works in Dutch Harbor on a fishing boat, but they rarely see each other as they are literally on two ships passing in the night. Barbie often consoles herself with whatever doll comes along.

Available at Reeve Air Aleutian counters.


(*~*  found various places on the internet *~*)