Thursday, May 11, 2006

Being Alaskan...

You might be Alaskan:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Alaska.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy" you might live in Alaska.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Alaska.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Alaska.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Alaska.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Alaska.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Alaska.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Alaska.

You know you are a true Alaskan when...

...your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a truck plowing snow on the highway.

..."vacation" means going to Valdez. measure distance in hours. know several people who have hit a moose--more than once. often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

...your whole family wears blue jeans to church on Sunday. can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings.) install security lights on your house and garage and leave both doors unlocked. think of the major food groups as beer and salmon. carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.

...there are seven empty cars running in the parking lot at Wal-Mart at any given time. design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

...driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. can identify a Southern or Eastern accent. know how to polka.

...your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a moose next to your trash can. were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

..."Down South" means Seattle.

...your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

...your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. have more miles on your snow blower than your car. find 0 degrees "a little chilly." actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Alaska friends.

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