Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Alaskan Barbie Collection -- Part Two

Soldotna Barbie:

Soldotna Barbie has very processed hair, dresses like a teen-ager, and wears a lot of blue-eyeliner. She doesn't have a job, a GED, or a Ken. She comes with a bag of pills. Condoms may or may not be included.

She is VERY available during tourist season at the Riverside or Hooligans.

Kenai Barbie:

Kenai Barbie wears all leather, drives a Harley, and can teach you how to play pool. She is very friendly if you are not intimidated by her truck-driving biceps.

You can pick her up at the King's Inn, but likely Kenai Ken will smash your face in for trying.

Sterling Barbie:

Sterling Barbie is pale and thin with long stringy hair and pockmarked face. She has two kids, but they stay with her mother. She drives Slope-worker Ken's brand-new Chevy pick-up. No one has seen Sterling Barbie for weeks, but we think she's staying with Spenard Barbie in Anchorage.

Nikiski Barbie:

Nikiski Barbie isn't available anywhere. She is spotted, infrequently, running errands for her children or husband, wearing a turtle-neck, heavy make-up, and large, dark sunglasses. She says she falls down a lot, but never has time to talk about it.

Nikiski Ken works at Agrium and doesn't have time to worry about this kind of bullshit, dammit!

Kasilof Barbie:

Kasilof Barbie looks similar to her sister, Girdwood Babie, except she comes with a gun and a dog team and isn't afraid to get a little bloody in the search of her next meal. She won't tell you where she lives, but she knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy if you know what we mean.

Kasilof Ken may or may not be one of those guys, but he's definitely down with whatever.

(*~*  found various places on the internet *~*)

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