Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The Alaskan Barbie Collection -- Part Two
Soldotna Barbie has very processed hair, dresses like a teen-ager, and wears a lot of blue-eyeliner. She doesn't have a job, a GED, or a Ken. She comes with a bag of pills. Condoms may or may not be included.
She is VERY available during tourist season at the Riverside or Hooligans.
Kenai Barbie wears all leather, drives a Harley, and can teach you how to play pool. She is very friendly if you are not intimidated by her truck-driving biceps.
You can pick her up at the King's Inn, but likely Kenai Ken will smash your face in for trying.
Sterling Barbie is pale and thin with long stringy hair and pockmarked face. She has two kids, but they stay with her mother. She drives Slope-worker Ken's brand-new Chevy pick-up. No one has seen Sterling Barbie for weeks, but we think she's staying with Spenard Barbie in Anchorage.
Nikiski Barbie isn't available anywhere. She is spotted, infrequently, running errands for her children or husband, wearing a turtle-neck, heavy make-up, and large, dark sunglasses. She says she falls down a lot, but never has time to talk about it.
Nikiski Ken works at Agrium and doesn't have time to worry about this kind of bullshit, dammit!
Kasilof Barbie looks similar to her sister, Girdwood Babie, except she comes with a gun and a dog team and isn't afraid to get a little bloody in the search of her next meal. She won't tell you where she lives, but she knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy if you know what we mean.
Kasilof Ken may or may not be one of those guys, but he's definitely down with whatever.
(*~* found various places on the internet *~*)
Posted by Laura at Tuesday, January 31, 2012